What is the cause of addiction?

The following is a transcription of a shiur (lecture) I was asked to give on Rosh Hashanna. I felt it would be relevant to re-post it here.

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Our Rabbi already spoke about tzadaka (chairty) so I thought I'd talk a little bit about teshuva (repentance), and tefilah (prayer).  

Until recently I really had a hard time understanding the connection between olam ha-bah, (the spiritual world), and olam ha-zeh (the material world). I felt that G-d was very distant and abstract and that tefilah and teshuva were matters of the spiritual world. Over the last year I’ve learned that these things are actually extremely important in our daily material lives.  I think its very easy, especially in the 21^st century to be skeptical about the importance of spiritual concepts. I’m going to try to discuss their importance in this talk.

              In Torah there is a concept called “karet”. It is a state in which a person’s soul is completely cut off from G-d. This sins which might cause this include, desecration of Shabbat, eating chametz on Pesach or other violations of kashrut.   Our sages considered karet to be a worse punishment than even death itself.

Alcoholics Anonymous proposed that addicts are actually people who are particularly sensitive to the physical manifestation of the pain caused by being disconnected from G-d. The person abuses substances as an attempt to relive this pain

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With this in mind is it really any surprise that addiction is such a huge problem in our society where most people are not just cut off from Yiddishkeit (Jewish culture) and Torah but from basic spirituality.  Also consider that addicts are just the people who suffer the most, those are the most sensitive to being cut off G-d. How much pain and unmanageability do all of us have in our own life from this disconnection?

              I’ve come to look at it in this way. Imagine living your life denying the force of gravity has any power over your life. Imagine every day you go out in the world and live your life as if you aren’t being constrained by gravity. Can you imagine how much struggle and difficulty that would cause? It’s the same way with G-d.

              In the last year I found myself in a dire personal situation. One in which I had come to find that no human power could help me. Until then I had lived my life completely according to self-will.  I never thought the idea that G-d answered prayers was realistic, to me it was like viewing G-d as some kind of spiritual vending machine, but as many others have done in my most desperate hour I asked G-d for help. Not even sure if I believed, I asked anyway. In response G-d affected a very big change in my life for which I am extremely thankful. It was also a huge shock because to me it was the first evidence of G-d working in my life that was so big I could not ignore. I would later learn to see the evidence of his work in other places I had never noticed.

              In response to this I was forced to re-examine my all of my ideas about spiritual matters. I felt out of respect and gratitude to the G-d who had done this miracle in my life, I had an obligation to learn His ways. The first thing I looked at was prayer. I always wondered why do we pray? If G-d is omnipotent doesn’t he know what we want? Why are the prayers the same, doesn’t he know what the siddur says? Why can’t we just say “Page 153, Amein, Page 154, Amein”. Or “Ribono shel Olam (Master of the World), what I said yesterday, ditto for today.”

              To my surprise the answer to my question was that Jews don’t pray! The verb in Hebrew for what we do is l’hitpallel, this is commonly translated to English as “to pray”. When I looked deeper I found that the verb “pray” actually comes from a latin word “to beg”, but that l’hitpallel comes from a root meaning to judge or reflect. I also discovered that l’hitpallel is a reflexive verb, which means it is something that we do to ourselves.  We cannot beg to ourselves, we can also beg someone else.

I discovered a small commentary in the orthodox siddur (prayer book) that follows the Amidah (prayers of supplication). It says “I pray that having completed the Amidah I have been changed in a positive way”. This was the key I had missed l’hitpallel is not begging G-d to change His mind. It is a tool to change ourselves so that we become someone worthy of receiving a different blessing.

I realized that when I asked G-d for help, I wasn’t really asking for help, I was changing myself by recognizing that G-d actually had the power to help me. Recognizing Him as the source of all blessing and power changed me.

Through this lens I was able to look at the tefilah in a completely new way. I decided to start my path of teshuva simply. I began to look at the morning blessings. I realized how incredible these simple prayers are and I began to say them every morning.

Before rising from bed we have Modeh Ani, thanking G-d for a new day of life. I began to consider every morning all those who were not fortunate enough to see this new day.  I realized what an incredible blessing every day of life is.

Next we have Natilat Ya’dayim (benediction for washing hands). It’s such a blessing to have clean water for bathing. Think of the many millions worldwide to whom just simply washing in clean water is a luxury. It also is the blessing of G-d cleansing us spiritually.

Then there is Asher Yatzar (benediction for good health). It is really awe inspiring to me to consider the incredible complexity of the human body. Without this prayer it is easy for me to take for granted the fact that if one tiny thing were wrong, a small blood clot, a single cell virus or bacteria, I would not be able to stand here. What an incredible blessing from G-d our health is!

The remaining Barachot (benedictions) for the morning give me the opportunity to reflect and be grateful for all of these things I had for so long overlooked. Pokeach Ivirim, the blessing of sight, but also the ability to see the truth of G-d’s and his ways. The blessings of having clothes to  and shoes wear. The blessing of not being a slave, both in a physical sense like our ancestors  in Egypt but also the blessing of being free from addictions and obsessions. Even the blessing of being bnei Yisrael (a child of Israel/A Jew), I have such gratitude for it having G-d’s Torah to guide me in teshuva.

These simple blessings have completely changed the way my day starts, I no longer think about work or traffic or any other mundane aggravation. Instead I begin the day in complete awe and gratitude for the incredible gifts G-d has given me that I had taken for granted so long. I find that when I do this my mind and spirit become centered and humbled and I start every day with joy.

This brought me to realize that truly everything in my life has come from G-d. No less than Moses himself warned us: 

“Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ You shall remember HASHEM your G-d, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth”. (Deuteronomy 8:17)

I realized that I hadn’t been looking at the things in my life as blessings, and instead had taken them for granted.  

I also realized if G-d was the source of all mercy and the source of every blessing I perceived as good, then he must also be the source of all things I perceived as bad. I began to realize that so many of the hardships in my life really had been things pointing me to the path of teshuva. All my life G-d had been knocking at my door, and each time he knocked louder. I was so oblivious that he had to knock with a sledge hammer before I finally realized it.  I learned that all things really serve G-ds purpose and our perspective is often too limited to understand it. 

A Chabad Lubavitch Rabbi explained it like this: If you looked at one frame of a movie, from that limited perspective you could not tell if the scene was happy or sad. G-d is able to see the entire film.

When I began to accept this I was able to accept that things which seemed like hardships also came from G-d and might actually be for the good. I was also able to let go of the idea that I could control all of these things. Much like trying to fight against gravity, when I stopped fighting G-d’s purpose and began making teshuvah, returning to His path.

I stopped struggling in life, the feelings of depression, frustration, and isolation that had haunted me for many years dissipated and my days have become filled with joy. I never realized what a profound impact even the smallest steps of teshuvah could have.

I sincerely hope that everyone may find the joy and peace I have found through following in the path of Torah. Thank you and L’shanna Tova.