Gratitude in Action: Morning Blessings (Modeh Ani)

B''H

Gratitude In Action:
"Modeh Ani"

"In the service of the Almighty, the point of departure is Modeh Ani"   - Rabbi Sholom Dov Ber of Lubavitch ^[1]

This is post #2 in a series of posts, click here to view the introduction

Introduction

When I decided to start keeping mitzvot, this was a natural place to start. As  I said in the previous post in the "Gratitude In Action" series, I started with one blessing and then added a new one each week until I could get through all of the Birchot HaShachar easily. So naturally I started with Modeh Ani.

 One of the things my sponsor told me is "When I wake up I try to say a prayer of gratitude before even getting out of bed.". Our sages (Z''L) in their incredible wisdom had the same idea, that we need to start our day with gratitude. Therefore we need to pray on immediately arising, because we should be thankful for G-d giving us this new day alive.

I find this prayer particularly appropriate in my own case. Given the type of drugs I was using (Heroin, downers and painkillers) and the amount I used daily, it is truly a miracle and a blessing I am alive today. The words of the prayer resonate with me and as we delve into the text of the prayer itself, I will show you why.

The 5 Things

Early on in recovery a met a guy in the program, we'll call him Larry. He was an former biker gang member, and dope dealer who ended up living on the streets before he came into recovery. He has been in the program for 32 years. He was the first person I truly believed had quit dope for good and found a new way of life. Larry goes to a meeting just about every day and has for 30 years. He doesn't just say "Meeting makers make it", he embodies that saying. 

The first time we met, he shoved a laminated slip in my hand that had five enumerated sentences. Larry told me he stayed sober all these years by simply doing these five things every day, and if I did them I would never have to use again.

The list:

1. Every morning ask G-d to give you the strength to stay sober
2. Read some spiritual or recovery related literature
3. Attend a 12-step meeting
4. Associate only with sober people, preferably people in recovery
5. If you stayed sober, thank G-d before bed

I will discuss these things in depth and how they literally saved my life in another post. Right now I want to focus on #1.

In the Shacharit service we directly fulfill the 1st directive with several prayers that begin with "Yehi ratzon Milfanecha..." ("May it be Your will..."), which we will discuss in a forthcoming article.

One of these Yehi Ratzon prayers immediately follows the final blessing of Birchot Hashachar (Ham'avir shayna...). We can also find a similar prayer following the Shemoneh Esrei (Amidah).

So why don't we just say these prayers of supplication? What is the point of the blessings of gratitude that precede it?

Start with Thanks

In Judaism we rarely ask HASHEM for something without first thanking Him. As Rebbe Nachman of Breslov explains:

"When a person wants to pray to God and ask for what he needs, he should first thank God for all of His past kindnesses and only then ask for what he needs. Because if he starts by asking only for what he needs, God says, "Have you nothing to thank Me for then?"  -Siach Sarfey Kodesh 1-2^[2]

Chabad Lubavitch adds:

"The reflexive-reflective aspect of the initial segments [...] is to affect man in a way that readies him to stand before the Supreme King for the Shemoneh Esrei in appropriately reverent manner to submit his requests and petitions..." -Rabbi Immanuel Schochet

Alcoholics Anonymous also suggests it, drawing on a story in "We Agnostics":

"There is a description of a man who was resistant to the idea of a Higher Power. At the point that acknowledged that Power greater than himself he, "tumbled out of bed to his knees". This is a daily programme, so each day we do the same: start the day by getting out of bed and kneeling in prayer." (Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, 56)^[2]

I will also add that since I have started my day with these prayers of gratitude I have found each day becomes like a beautiful dream. All the anger and anxiety about life's problems just melts away when I recognize my true blessings.

Now, let's examine the text of the prayer itself.

Modeh Ani: The text

From Jewish Pathways / AishHaTorah ^[3]

At first look the text seems pretty straight forward, and for the most part it is. We are thanking HASHEM for "returning my soul within me", in essence giving us a new day of life. The Talmud teaches us that sleep is actually 1/60th of death:

"Five things are a sixtieth part of something else: namely, fire, honey, Sabbath, sleep and a dream. Fire is one-sixtieth part of Gehinnom. Honey is one-sixtieth part of manna. Sabbath is one-sixtieth part of the world to come. Sleep is one-sixtieth part of death. A dream is one-sixtieth part of prophecy." (Babylonian Talmud, Barachot 57b)

The idea of the soul leaving and being returned can either be thought of as a metaphor or mystically. The mystical claim is that one's neshama (soul) leaves his body during sleep. Before you wake HASHEM breathes it back into your nostrils. This is just as he breathed the neshama into Adam in Bereishit (Genesis).

In this way we should recognize that every morning is a new beginning. HASHEM in His boundless mercy gives us a blank slate every day. Perhaps yesterday you faltered, you yelled at someone, you hurt someone, you cheated someone, perhaps you even had a relapse. The prayer is reminding us today is a new day, it's a fresh start to turn everything around.

The second thing I want to draw attention to is the final line "Abundant is your faithfulness" ("Raba emunatecha"). It is appropriate that when reciting this blessing we pause between chemla (compassion) and Raba (Abundant/Great). We do this because we want to imply that HASHEM's faithfulness is abundant. If you do not pause, it incorrectly imply's that his compassion is abundant.

You may ask "What difference does it make?"

Surely HASHEM's compassion is abundant. We know HASHEM is the most compassionate. However that is not what the blessing is trying to say. We are not saying HASHEM restored our soul because He is compassionate. What we are saying is that He restored it because He is faithful.

It may seem weird to think of HASHEM as being faithful in a person, normally we are thinking about a person's faith in Him.  The point is that in this day you are alive, not as a reward for what you did yesterday but because G-d has faith in you, He returns your soul in faith that today you will use it to pursue good not evil. He returns it in faith that today will be the day that you make teshuva (returning to Him). We have to realize and appreciate that if our waking up tomorrow was based on the merits of today, the world would be mostly empty tomorrow.

After the prayer pause a moment and consider the people who do not have the blessing of today. Recognize and give thanks for the blessing of a fresh start, a blank slate, and commit to using it in the best way you can.

Halacha

Here are a few points of halacha (Law) regarding the recitation of Modeh Ani

• The blessing should be said immediately on awakening. Do not get out of bed, do not wash your hands, do pass go, do not collect $200. SAY THE BLESSING as soon as your eyes are open. ^[4]
• It is acceptable to say Modeah Ani before Natilat Yadayim (washing hands) because it does not contain G-d's name. ^[4]
• It is appropriate to cover one's head with a yarmulke (or even with the blanket) while reciting the blessing.
• A woman should substitute the first word for the feminine "Modah"
• It is appropriate to recite the blessing even if one has stayed awake all night. ^[5]
• Some Mizrahim (Levantine Jews) may substitute Elohai Nishama... for Modeh Ani... and this is acceptable if it is your minhag (custom) to do so. ^[6]

Final Thoughts

There is a story going around on the Internet. Maybe it is apocryphal, may be it isn't either way it gives you something to think about as the phenomenon it describes is true.

“At a United States convention of neurologists from all over the world, one of the main topics was the phenomenon of people fainting upon getting up from bed.

One of the speakers was Professor Linda McMaron of Great Britain and she gave a lengthy speech regarding her study on this issue.
She elaborated that after many years of study and investigation on this subject, she came to the conclusion that such fainting is caused by the sharp transfer between laying down and standing up.

Professor McMaron said that it takes 12 seconds for the blood to flow from the feet to the brain. But when a person quickly stands up upon waking up, the blood gets ‘thrown’ to the brain too quickly and the result is fainting. She suggested that each person, even one that does not have a tendency to faint, upon waking up should sit on the bed, and count slowly to 12 to avoid dizziness, weakness, and/or fainting.

Her speech was rewarded with loud applause and enthusiastic feedback.

Another professor, a Jewish religious man asked permission to speak. He said,
"With us, the Jews, there is an old tradition, thousands of years old, to say a prayer of thanks to the Creator of the World for providing us with the opportunity of a new day for accomplishment. The prayer is said immediately upon waking up, while one is still in bed and lying down. There are 12 words in this prayer and if one regulates himself to say it slowly with concentration, it takes exactly 12 seconds to say it...12 words in 12 seconds."

He said the prayer slowly in Hebrew:

"Modeh ani le’fanecha melech chai v’kayam, shehechezarta bi nish’mati b’chem’lah. Rabah emunatecha." 

"I Greatfully Thank You, living and eternal King, for You have returned my soul within me with compassion - abundant is your faithfulness!” 

The auditorium burst into a standing applause that roared throughout the auditorium.
This time, it was for the Creator of the World.

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Footnotes: 
1.Gilnet, Lewis, The Joys of Hebrew
2. Greenbaum, Avraham. The Essential Rabbi Nachman, Jerusalem, Israel: Azamra Institute, 2006. Print.

3. It is important to note that kneeling or prostration during prayer, though a historical Israelite practice,  is considered inappropriate in modern Rabbinic Judaism.

Judaism.
4. Reproduced without permission
5. Mishna Brurah 1:8
6. DailyHalacha
7. source

What is the cause of addiction?

The following is a transcription of a shiur (lecture) I was asked to give on Rosh Hashanna. I felt it would be relevant to re-post it here.

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Our Rabbi already spoke about tzadaka (chairty) so I thought I'd talk a little bit about teshuva (repentance), and tefilah (prayer).  

Until recently I really had a hard time understanding the connection between olam ha-bah, (the spiritual world), and olam ha-zeh (the material world). I felt that G-d was very distant and abstract and that tefilah and teshuva were matters of the spiritual world. Over the last year I’ve learned that these things are actually extremely important in our daily material lives.  I think its very easy, especially in the 21^st century to be skeptical about the importance of spiritual concepts. I’m going to try to discuss their importance in this talk.

              In Torah there is a concept called “karet”. It is a state in which a person’s soul is completely cut off from G-d. This sins which might cause this include, desecration of Shabbat, eating chametz on Pesach or other violations of kashrut.   Our sages considered karet to be a worse punishment than even death itself.

Alcoholics Anonymous proposed that addicts are actually people who are particularly sensitive to the physical manifestation of the pain caused by being disconnected from G-d. The person abuses substances as an attempt to relive this pain

.

With this in mind is it really any surprise that addiction is such a huge problem in our society where most people are not just cut off from Yiddishkeit (Jewish culture) and Torah but from basic spirituality.  Also consider that addicts are just the people who suffer the most, those are the most sensitive to being cut off G-d. How much pain and unmanageability do all of us have in our own life from this disconnection?

              I’ve come to look at it in this way. Imagine living your life denying the force of gravity has any power over your life. Imagine every day you go out in the world and live your life as if you aren’t being constrained by gravity. Can you imagine how much struggle and difficulty that would cause? It’s the same way with G-d.

              In the last year I found myself in a dire personal situation. One in which I had come to find that no human power could help me. Until then I had lived my life completely according to self-will.  I never thought the idea that G-d answered prayers was realistic, to me it was like viewing G-d as some kind of spiritual vending machine, but as many others have done in my most desperate hour I asked G-d for help. Not even sure if I believed, I asked anyway. In response G-d affected a very big change in my life for which I am extremely thankful. It was also a huge shock because to me it was the first evidence of G-d working in my life that was so big I could not ignore. I would later learn to see the evidence of his work in other places I had never noticed.

              In response to this I was forced to re-examine my all of my ideas about spiritual matters. I felt out of respect and gratitude to the G-d who had done this miracle in my life, I had an obligation to learn His ways. The first thing I looked at was prayer. I always wondered why do we pray? If G-d is omnipotent doesn’t he know what we want? Why are the prayers the same, doesn’t he know what the siddur says? Why can’t we just say “Page 153, Amein, Page 154, Amein”. Or “Ribono shel Olam (Master of the World), what I said yesterday, ditto for today.”

              To my surprise the answer to my question was that Jews don’t pray! The verb in Hebrew for what we do is l’hitpallel, this is commonly translated to English as “to pray”. When I looked deeper I found that the verb “pray” actually comes from a latin word “to beg”, but that l’hitpallel comes from a root meaning to judge or reflect. I also discovered that l’hitpallel is a reflexive verb, which means it is something that we do to ourselves.  We cannot beg to ourselves, we can also beg someone else.

I discovered a small commentary in the orthodox siddur (prayer book) that follows the Amidah (prayers of supplication). It says “I pray that having completed the Amidah I have been changed in a positive way”. This was the key I had missed l’hitpallel is not begging G-d to change His mind. It is a tool to change ourselves so that we become someone worthy of receiving a different blessing.

I realized that when I asked G-d for help, I wasn’t really asking for help, I was changing myself by recognizing that G-d actually had the power to help me. Recognizing Him as the source of all blessing and power changed me.

Through this lens I was able to look at the tefilah in a completely new way. I decided to start my path of teshuva simply. I began to look at the morning blessings. I realized how incredible these simple prayers are and I began to say them every morning.

Before rising from bed we have Modeh Ani, thanking G-d for a new day of life. I began to consider every morning all those who were not fortunate enough to see this new day.  I realized what an incredible blessing every day of life is.

Next we have Natilat Ya’dayim (benediction for washing hands). It’s such a blessing to have clean water for bathing. Think of the many millions worldwide to whom just simply washing in clean water is a luxury. It also is the blessing of G-d cleansing us spiritually.

Then there is Asher Yatzar (benediction for good health). It is really awe inspiring to me to consider the incredible complexity of the human body. Without this prayer it is easy for me to take for granted the fact that if one tiny thing were wrong, a small blood clot, a single cell virus or bacteria, I would not be able to stand here. What an incredible blessing from G-d our health is!

The remaining Barachot (benedictions) for the morning give me the opportunity to reflect and be grateful for all of these things I had for so long overlooked. Pokeach Ivirim, the blessing of sight, but also the ability to see the truth of G-d’s and his ways. The blessings of having clothes to  and shoes wear. The blessing of not being a slave, both in a physical sense like our ancestors  in Egypt but also the blessing of being free from addictions and obsessions. Even the blessing of being bnei Yisrael (a child of Israel/A Jew), I have such gratitude for it having G-d’s Torah to guide me in teshuva.

These simple blessings have completely changed the way my day starts, I no longer think about work or traffic or any other mundane aggravation. Instead I begin the day in complete awe and gratitude for the incredible gifts G-d has given me that I had taken for granted so long. I find that when I do this my mind and spirit become centered and humbled and I start every day with joy.

This brought me to realize that truly everything in my life has come from G-d. No less than Moses himself warned us: 

“Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ You shall remember HASHEM your G-d, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth”. (Deuteronomy 8:17)

I realized that I hadn’t been looking at the things in my life as blessings, and instead had taken them for granted.  

I also realized if G-d was the source of all mercy and the source of every blessing I perceived as good, then he must also be the source of all things I perceived as bad. I began to realize that so many of the hardships in my life really had been things pointing me to the path of teshuva. All my life G-d had been knocking at my door, and each time he knocked louder. I was so oblivious that he had to knock with a sledge hammer before I finally realized it.  I learned that all things really serve G-ds purpose and our perspective is often too limited to understand it. 

A Chabad Lubavitch Rabbi explained it like this: If you looked at one frame of a movie, from that limited perspective you could not tell if the scene was happy or sad. G-d is able to see the entire film.

When I began to accept this I was able to accept that things which seemed like hardships also came from G-d and might actually be for the good. I was also able to let go of the idea that I could control all of these things. Much like trying to fight against gravity, when I stopped fighting G-d’s purpose and began making teshuvah, returning to His path.

I stopped struggling in life, the feelings of depression, frustration, and isolation that had haunted me for many years dissipated and my days have become filled with joy. I never realized what a profound impact even the smallest steps of teshuvah could have.

I sincerely hope that everyone may find the joy and peace I have found through following in the path of Torah. Thank you and L’shanna Tova.