In Memorium: Phil S.

On June 15th, 2015 the disease of addiction claimed one of my dear friends.

Every time I pick up a new key tag I thank Phil for saving my life. 

During the meetings Phil was not terribly inspirational. When the meeting closed, however, that's when Phil changed lives.

 The first meeting I went to my mother came along. Immediately after the meeting Phil noticed she was upset, he came over to her and spent a half hour comforting her and reassuring her that I was going to be alright and this program would work for me.

Phil was the first person in the rooms to give me a hug. If you were new to my home group, Phil probably gave you your first hug too. 

Phil taught me an important lesson: there is more to carrying the message to a newcomer than saying "keep coming back".

Phil rarely left before talking to everyone at the meeting and saying something nice to them. Early on I missed a few days and the next time I showed up Phil told me "I missed you, the meeting is better when you are here". 

I have no idea if he really meant this, maybe he said it to everyone, but I don't care. At that time what he said made me feel welcome and more importantly it made me feel WANTED.

It was at that moment I made up my mind to keep coming back to NA because I stopped feeling invisible for the first time in my life. I felt like people cared and wanted to know me.

Phil never said "keep coming back" but he got people to come back, because he took the time to tell each individual how important they were to the group and to him.

Phil didn't just give you his number, he took yours and he used it. If he didn't see you for a few days he would call to make sure everything was OK and suggest you might want to come by to a meeting. 

Phil called me the night my daughter was born, not because he knew that's what was happening but just because he wanted to say "Hi" and make sure I was doing okay and staying sober. Because that is the kind of guy Phil was, he really cared about people in recovery. He cared about newcomers.

He didn't just say Keep Coming Back, but he cared that you did.

Without Phil  and a few others like him, I would never have felt comfortable enough to continue in recovery. I would never have found G-d and got sober. 

Phil was not good at staying sober but he was good at helping others. He did for me what he was unable to do for himself. 

In his memory I want to take his place, to make sure there is always someone who shows the newcomer how important they are and make them feel welcome. 

We can all take a lesson from Phil, even if you're struggling, a few kind words can save a life. His certainly saved mine.

Rest in Peach Phil.

In death may you finally find the peace that was so elusive in life. 

Zichrona Livracha, may his memory be for a blessing