Gratitude in Action: Morning Blessings (Modeh Ani)

B''H

Gratitude In Action:
"Modeh Ani"

"In the service of the Almighty, the point of departure is Modeh Ani"   - Rabbi Sholom Dov Ber of Lubavitch ^[1]

This is post #2 in a series of posts, click here to view the introduction

Introduction

When I decided to start keeping mitzvot, this was a natural place to start. As  I said in the previous post in the "Gratitude In Action" series, I started with one blessing and then added a new one each week until I could get through all of the Birchot HaShachar easily. So naturally I started with Modeh Ani.

 One of the things my sponsor told me is "When I wake up I try to say a prayer of gratitude before even getting out of bed.". Our sages (Z''L) in their incredible wisdom had the same idea, that we need to start our day with gratitude. Therefore we need to pray on immediately arising, because we should be thankful for G-d giving us this new day alive.

I find this prayer particularly appropriate in my own case. Given the type of drugs I was using (Heroin, downers and painkillers) and the amount I used daily, it is truly a miracle and a blessing I am alive today. The words of the prayer resonate with me and as we delve into the text of the prayer itself, I will show you why.

The 5 Things

Early on in recovery a met a guy in the program, we'll call him Larry. He was an former biker gang member, and dope dealer who ended up living on the streets before he came into recovery. He has been in the program for 32 years. He was the first person I truly believed had quit dope for good and found a new way of life. Larry goes to a meeting just about every day and has for 30 years. He doesn't just say "Meeting makers make it", he embodies that saying. 

The first time we met, he shoved a laminated slip in my hand that had five enumerated sentences. Larry told me he stayed sober all these years by simply doing these five things every day, and if I did them I would never have to use again.

The list:

1. Every morning ask G-d to give you the strength to stay sober
2. Read some spiritual or recovery related literature
3. Attend a 12-step meeting
4. Associate only with sober people, preferably people in recovery
5. If you stayed sober, thank G-d before bed

I will discuss these things in depth and how they literally saved my life in another post. Right now I want to focus on #1.

In the Shacharit service we directly fulfill the 1st directive with several prayers that begin with "Yehi ratzon Milfanecha..." ("May it be Your will..."), which we will discuss in a forthcoming article.

One of these Yehi Ratzon prayers immediately follows the final blessing of Birchot Hashachar (Ham'avir shayna...). We can also find a similar prayer following the Shemoneh Esrei (Amidah).

So why don't we just say these prayers of supplication? What is the point of the blessings of gratitude that precede it?

Start with Thanks

In Judaism we rarely ask HASHEM for something without first thanking Him. As Rebbe Nachman of Breslov explains:

"When a person wants to pray to God and ask for what he needs, he should first thank God for all of His past kindnesses and only then ask for what he needs. Because if he starts by asking only for what he needs, God says, "Have you nothing to thank Me for then?"  -Siach Sarfey Kodesh 1-2^[2]

Chabad Lubavitch adds:

"The reflexive-reflective aspect of the initial segments [...] is to affect man in a way that readies him to stand before the Supreme King for the Shemoneh Esrei in appropriately reverent manner to submit his requests and petitions..." -Rabbi Immanuel Schochet

Alcoholics Anonymous also suggests it, drawing on a story in "We Agnostics":

"There is a description of a man who was resistant to the idea of a Higher Power. At the point that acknowledged that Power greater than himself he, "tumbled out of bed to his knees". This is a daily programme, so each day we do the same: start the day by getting out of bed and kneeling in prayer." (Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, 56)^[2]

I will also add that since I have started my day with these prayers of gratitude I have found each day becomes like a beautiful dream. All the anger and anxiety about life's problems just melts away when I recognize my true blessings.

Now, let's examine the text of the prayer itself.

Modeh Ani: The text

From Jewish Pathways / AishHaTorah ^[3]

At first look the text seems pretty straight forward, and for the most part it is. We are thanking HASHEM for "returning my soul within me", in essence giving us a new day of life. The Talmud teaches us that sleep is actually 1/60th of death:

"Five things are a sixtieth part of something else: namely, fire, honey, Sabbath, sleep and a dream. Fire is one-sixtieth part of Gehinnom. Honey is one-sixtieth part of manna. Sabbath is one-sixtieth part of the world to come. Sleep is one-sixtieth part of death. A dream is one-sixtieth part of prophecy." (Babylonian Talmud, Barachot 57b)

The idea of the soul leaving and being returned can either be thought of as a metaphor or mystically. The mystical claim is that one's neshama (soul) leaves his body during sleep. Before you wake HASHEM breathes it back into your nostrils. This is just as he breathed the neshama into Adam in Bereishit (Genesis).

In this way we should recognize that every morning is a new beginning. HASHEM in His boundless mercy gives us a blank slate every day. Perhaps yesterday you faltered, you yelled at someone, you hurt someone, you cheated someone, perhaps you even had a relapse. The prayer is reminding us today is a new day, it's a fresh start to turn everything around.

The second thing I want to draw attention to is the final line "Abundant is your faithfulness" ("Raba emunatecha"). It is appropriate that when reciting this blessing we pause between chemla (compassion) and Raba (Abundant/Great). We do this because we want to imply that HASHEM's faithfulness is abundant. If you do not pause, it incorrectly imply's that his compassion is abundant.

You may ask "What difference does it make?"

Surely HASHEM's compassion is abundant. We know HASHEM is the most compassionate. However that is not what the blessing is trying to say. We are not saying HASHEM restored our soul because He is compassionate. What we are saying is that He restored it because He is faithful.

It may seem weird to think of HASHEM as being faithful in a person, normally we are thinking about a person's faith in Him.  The point is that in this day you are alive, not as a reward for what you did yesterday but because G-d has faith in you, He returns your soul in faith that today you will use it to pursue good not evil. He returns it in faith that today will be the day that you make teshuva (returning to Him). We have to realize and appreciate that if our waking up tomorrow was based on the merits of today, the world would be mostly empty tomorrow.

After the prayer pause a moment and consider the people who do not have the blessing of today. Recognize and give thanks for the blessing of a fresh start, a blank slate, and commit to using it in the best way you can.

Halacha

Here are a few points of halacha (Law) regarding the recitation of Modeh Ani

• The blessing should be said immediately on awakening. Do not get out of bed, do not wash your hands, do pass go, do not collect $200. SAY THE BLESSING as soon as your eyes are open. ^[4]
• It is acceptable to say Modeah Ani before Natilat Yadayim (washing hands) because it does not contain G-d's name. ^[4]
• It is appropriate to cover one's head with a yarmulke (or even with the blanket) while reciting the blessing.
• A woman should substitute the first word for the feminine "Modah"
• It is appropriate to recite the blessing even if one has stayed awake all night. ^[5]
• Some Mizrahim (Levantine Jews) may substitute Elohai Nishama... for Modeh Ani... and this is acceptable if it is your minhag (custom) to do so. ^[6]

Final Thoughts

There is a story going around on the Internet. Maybe it is apocryphal, may be it isn't either way it gives you something to think about as the phenomenon it describes is true.

“At a United States convention of neurologists from all over the world, one of the main topics was the phenomenon of people fainting upon getting up from bed.

One of the speakers was Professor Linda McMaron of Great Britain and she gave a lengthy speech regarding her study on this issue.
She elaborated that after many years of study and investigation on this subject, she came to the conclusion that such fainting is caused by the sharp transfer between laying down and standing up.

Professor McMaron said that it takes 12 seconds for the blood to flow from the feet to the brain. But when a person quickly stands up upon waking up, the blood gets ‘thrown’ to the brain too quickly and the result is fainting. She suggested that each person, even one that does not have a tendency to faint, upon waking up should sit on the bed, and count slowly to 12 to avoid dizziness, weakness, and/or fainting.

Her speech was rewarded with loud applause and enthusiastic feedback.

Another professor, a Jewish religious man asked permission to speak. He said,
"With us, the Jews, there is an old tradition, thousands of years old, to say a prayer of thanks to the Creator of the World for providing us with the opportunity of a new day for accomplishment. The prayer is said immediately upon waking up, while one is still in bed and lying down. There are 12 words in this prayer and if one regulates himself to say it slowly with concentration, it takes exactly 12 seconds to say it...12 words in 12 seconds."

He said the prayer slowly in Hebrew:

"Modeh ani le’fanecha melech chai v’kayam, shehechezarta bi nish’mati b’chem’lah. Rabah emunatecha." 

"I Greatfully Thank You, living and eternal King, for You have returned my soul within me with compassion - abundant is your faithfulness!” 

The auditorium burst into a standing applause that roared throughout the auditorium.
This time, it was for the Creator of the World.

---

Footnotes: 
1.Gilnet, Lewis, The Joys of Hebrew
2. Greenbaum, Avraham. The Essential Rabbi Nachman, Jerusalem, Israel: Azamra Institute, 2006. Print.

3. It is important to note that kneeling or prostration during prayer, though a historical Israelite practice,  is considered inappropriate in modern Rabbinic Judaism.

Judaism.
4. Reproduced without permission
5. Mishna Brurah 1:8
6. DailyHalacha
7. source

Gratitude in Action: Morning Blessings (Introduction)

B'H:

Gratitude In Action:

Morning Blessings

"A grateful alcoholic will never drink" -Anonymous

The importance of gratitude

If the 12 steps are the engine of recovery, then gratitude is the gasoline. Gratitude did not and could not get me sober, but it is what sustains my sobriety and fuels my recovery on a daily basis. I hear many people come in the rooms and talk about fear keeping them sober. They stay in the program because they are afraid of the consequences of going back out.

I don't feel like fear is a reliable motivator for me.

I had no fear of sticking the needle in my arm the first time. I certainly had no fear of death injecting 10-15 bags of Heroin a day. Certainly no fear of prison when I would drive me dealer, an escaped convict on the run, across the state to get dope from his supplier.

What stands between me and the next fix or the next drink is gratitude.

You might say "Isn't it HASHEM that keeps you from using?".

The simple answer is no.

HASHEM has performed the miracle of removing the need and desire to use from me. However giving my will to Him every day (Step 3) is a conscious act that must be done at least daily. Someone in a meeting once told me:

"I can give my will to G-d, the problem is that He loves us so much he will let us take our will and our life back whenever we choose". 

I will admit it, sometimes I think about getting high. I don't think I've met any addict in recovery that says he or she does not, at least occasionally, think about. It is not the horrible burning obsession that it once was, but the thought may pop in to my head from time to time. It is at these times that I ask HASHEM to give me the power to stay sober. The key is that I have to choose to ask for His help!

Gratitude is what gives me the desire to give my will to HASHEM.

I appreciate the wonderful life that I almost threw away for drugs. I appreciate my family, my health, having food on the table, my home, my clothes, running water and most of all being alive! Recognizing how fortunate I am and continue to be thankful and grateful for these blessings in my life is what gives me the desire to live recovery every day.

Practicing Gratitude

"You can't think your way into right action, but you can act your way into right thinking." - Anonymous

 There's a common saying in the rooms regarding the book Alcoholics Anonymous "There's no chapter call 'In to thinking' but there is one called 'In to action'" Like any other spiritual principle gratitude is something which must be practiced so that it becomes as much of a part of our thinking as getting dressed in the morning.

Fortunately for us in their infinite wisdom our sages (Z''L) realized how important gratitude is. Since all blessing comes from HASHEM, The Talmud prescribes that a Jew should recite a short prayer of gratitude to HASHEM so we don't take his blessings for granted.

“A person is forbidden to enjoy any of the pleasures of the world without first reciting praise to God” (Babylonian Talmud, Brachot 35a).

This reminds of the importance of simple blessings that we might otherwise take for granted. The blessings are fixed so we don't have to worry about figuring out what to say, or when, our sages (Z'L) figured that all out for us!

The Talmudic sage Rabbi Meir (Z''L) suggests a Jew should say 100 blessings each day!

"It was taught in a Baraita: R. Meir said: a person must make 100 blessings each day, as it is written... (Deuteronomy 10:12) 'And now Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you...' " (Babylonian Talmud, Menachot 43b)

When I learned that I wasn't sure I had 100 things a day I should be thankful for! I had no idea how I could possibly fulfill this mitzva. I don't suggest trying to at first. What I did was simply started with one and said it every day until it became routine. Then I added another, and another. I ended up adding about one each week, but you should go at your own pace. However you feel comfortable.

"You will find many kinds of devotion in the sacred literature and think, “When will I be able to fulfill even one of these devotions, let alone all of them?!” Don’t panic. One shouldn’t rush and try to grasp everything at once. He has to go slowly, step by step without getting into a tizzy and trying to do and accomplish everything immediately. If he is over hasty he will become totally confused. When there is fire, God forbid, people panic and rescue needless aitems."   (R. Nachman of Breslov, Rebbe Nachman's Wisdom, #27)

Morning Blessings

In the next series of posts I will discuss in depth the morning blessings. In my recovery these have been the most important part of my day. These blessings keep me humble, they center my ego and help me connect with HASHEM and prepare to ask for His power to keep me sober that day.

To read Part 2: Modeh Ani

Click Here

Gratitude In Action: The Rabbi & The Goat

B'H:

Gratitude In Action

The following is from a wonderful series of short films on spiritual and ethical principles. While they generally come from Jewish perspectives and sources, they are quite universally applicable. This film below is a perfect example of practicing gratitude.

Remember, spiritual principles are not just things we take off the shelf and study, or discuss in meetings. These are meant to be implemented in one's life. 

" You can't think your way into right action, but you can act your way into right thinking." -Bill Wilson 

In Memorium: Phil S.

On June 15th, 2015 the disease of addiction claimed one of my dear friends.

Every time I pick up a new key tag I thank Phil for saving my life. 

During the meetings Phil was not terribly inspirational. When the meeting closed, however, that's when Phil changed lives.

 The first meeting I went to my mother came along. Immediately after the meeting Phil noticed she was upset, he came over to her and spent a half hour comforting her and reassuring her that I was going to be alright and this program would work for me.

Phil was the first person in the rooms to give me a hug. If you were new to my home group, Phil probably gave you your first hug too. 

Phil taught me an important lesson: there is more to carrying the message to a newcomer than saying "keep coming back".

Phil rarely left before talking to everyone at the meeting and saying something nice to them. Early on I missed a few days and the next time I showed up Phil told me "I missed you, the meeting is better when you are here". 

I have no idea if he really meant this, maybe he said it to everyone, but I don't care. At that time what he said made me feel welcome and more importantly it made me feel WANTED.

It was at that moment I made up my mind to keep coming back to NA because I stopped feeling invisible for the first time in my life. I felt like people cared and wanted to know me.

Phil never said "keep coming back" but he got people to come back, because he took the time to tell each individual how important they were to the group and to him.

Phil didn't just give you his number, he took yours and he used it. If he didn't see you for a few days he would call to make sure everything was OK and suggest you might want to come by to a meeting. 

Phil called me the night my daughter was born, not because he knew that's what was happening but just because he wanted to say "Hi" and make sure I was doing okay and staying sober. Because that is the kind of guy Phil was, he really cared about people in recovery. He cared about newcomers.

He didn't just say Keep Coming Back, but he cared that you did.

Without Phil  and a few others like him, I would never have felt comfortable enough to continue in recovery. I would never have found G-d and got sober. 

Phil was not good at staying sober but he was good at helping others. He did for me what he was unable to do for himself. 

In his memory I want to take his place, to make sure there is always someone who shows the newcomer how important they are and make them feel welcome. 

We can all take a lesson from Phil, even if you're struggling, a few kind words can save a life. His certainly saved mine.

Rest in Peach Phil.

In death may you finally find the peace that was so elusive in life. 

Zichrona Livracha, may his memory be for a blessing 

Recovery is always within reach

B''H

"When at the end of the road we find that we can no longer function as human beings, either with or without drugs, we all face the same dilemma. What is there left to do? There seems to be this alternative: either go on as best we can to the bitter ends—jails, institutions, or death—or find a new way to live." (Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text)

When most people reach the proverbial "end of the road" they may feel very low. A lot of addicts come in to the rooms of a 12-step group feeling like the worst person in the world. We've lied, we've cheated, we've stolen. We've used people, often times we've done these things to the people closest to us, our parents, partners, our children. You may feel like the worst person in the world.

The yetzer hara (the voice of your addiction which lives inside of you), tells you, "I am such a bad person, G-d will never help me."

This makes it very easy to get discouraged. You may see the other people in recovery, who have jobs, families, friends. Maybe you're living on the street, or in your car. Your yetzer hara will tell you "I can't do it, I have nothing."

During these times never forget the wisdom of King David:

Where shall I go from Your spirit, and where shall I flee from Your presence?  If I ascend to the heavens, there You are, and if I make my bed in the Sheol, behold, You are there. (Psalms 139:7-8)

Even at your lowest point, HASHEM is there waiting for you to call out to Him.

It's said "There is nothing new in Torah". It is also true that there is nothing new in recovery.
No matter what you have done, no matter where you have been, someone else has done worse.

I have a friend who told me his story. He spent most of his life using drugs. He destroyed his relationship with everyone he cared about. As many addicts he eventually turned to crime to support his habit. He was in and out of prison numerous times. Eventually he ended up living in the woods, homeless. He had nothing and nobody. He lived only to collect or steal what little money he could and buy drugs.

He tried many times to get sober only to relapse weeks and months later. Finally in desperation he decided to end his life. He climbed a tree and tied a noose around the branch. He put his neck through the loop and jumped.

As he hung from the tree, slowly strangling to death, he had a revelation that he wanted to live! He called out to G-d that he wanted to live. Suddenly the branch broke and he was freed. He ran out of the woods into the street and a passing motorist stopped and brought him to the hospital.

He attended Narcotics Anonymous, he got a good sponsor and worked the steps. Today he is many years sober. He is married and owns his own business. He remains extremely active in the program today.

Nobody is ever beyond redemption.

"G-d's greatness is unfathomable: that is why Teshuvah has such power. No matter how far you may have fallen - be it to the lowest depths - never despair, because you can always return to G-d. With just a little effort you can turn even your worst sins into merits. No matter where in the world you fall, you can easily come back to G-d. This is because of His unfathomable greatness. Nothing is beyond His power. Just never give up! Keep crying out, praying and pleading to G-d at all times." (Rabbi Nachman of Breslov, Sichot Haran #3)